Pulses? Pulses? You mean there are more pulses? You're in America, now, you bozo!

Episode 11 of Series 3 is now posted, although at the moment it's pdf only. Maybe some day Menick will get back to recording. Maybe not. What a bum!

We didn't make it last week, and we almost didn't make it this week. The Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression over this whole political spouse debacle. "Not only is it mean spirited, it's also beside the point," he moans, not that politicians not sticking to the point is something to be surprised about. "And worse, there's no future in it. Think about it. Let's say that Trump runs against Hillary. What's he going to do? Say he's going to spill the beans on Bill? Or publish beefcake Bill pictures? I mean, how many more beans can there possibly be left?"

If you ask me, the Mite's been remarkably quiet on politics this election cycle. "What can anyone say that anyone who ought to listen to will actually listen to?" Or something like that, maybe with fewer iterations of the word "to." "If this doesn't cause us to have a new constitutional convention and move over to a parliamentary system, nothing will." He's got a point there, you've got to admit. Then again, he usually does have a point, somewhere, and it's just the part about any of us admitting it that causes any problems.

Sacre bleu, as the Crapaud theorists like to say.

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We're back and we're mad

pation.

Okay, we're not that mad. But we did miss an episode, which makes neither of us happy. And we almost didn't make it again this week, either. The Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression over yesterday's designation by our nation's most famous group of inactivists as National Speech and Debate Education Day. "Yeah," he mutters. "Congress really cares about speech, debate or education. And for that matter, if they had a vote on whether we should acknowledge the existence of days they would probably disagree about that along party lines, as they do with everything else." That's not his real beef though. "We've been doing Nostrum since the Eisenhower administration," he says. "Where's National Nostrum Day? What's wrong with these people?"

If there ever is a National Nostrum Day, you'll find us out celebrating at the nearest gin mill, a la Tab Ularasa, who is featured once again in our latest episode. (That is a bad sentence. It makes it sound like he was already featured once before in our latest episode, but I can't see any way of making it clearer. Maybe "back once again" would do it, but featured is more of an action word, and Sister Patricia, before she quit the nun business to take up dry cleaning, always told us to use action words, and I wouldn't want to let her down now.)

Meanwhile, Menick hasn't gotten around to doing the audio yet, the lazy #*&^$$!)@. With luck, he'll have it done before you click on the link. Or not. Which may be even luckier, as far as you're concerned.

We didn't make it this week

Which means we're both in a state of permanent depression. Then again, last week the COC ground to a halt. We see you quiver with antici

"I voted, and now I feel all dirty"

The latest episodes of Nostrum Series 3, the COC Edition, are now posted — audio / pdfio.

We almost didn't make it this week. The Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression over the results of the Massachusetts primary. "I realize that there's only 19 Republicans in the entire state, and half of them identify as Democrats if you wake them up in the middle of the night from a deep sleep, but half of them voted for Trump?" Well, yes they did. "Who are these schmegeggies? Can we get their names so that we don't inadvertently invite them for a sleepover or tea and toast?" Well, no, you can't get their names, because the US employs secret ballots. "Well, that doesn't matter. People show up for Trump rallies all the time and they're happy to get their pictures in the paper. Especially the ones he throws out for being not white or stupid and who are only there to protest. Is anyone paying attention to any of this?" Not exactly: It's American politics, and the American electorate. They are about as well informed as earthworms. "In Australia they make people vote," he says, although his point is unclear. So? "We should have the Australians vote in our primaries. They'd straighten things out."

Sure, Mate. Whatever you say. (Uttered in a high church Australian accent.)

If you think the Mite is bad in an off-year, you know he's beyond the pale when there's an election. And now that the election cycle begins on the 21st day of January every leap year and lasts until the final polls close in Hawaii on the first Tuesday of November four years later—Feh!