Are you there?

Just wondering. Seeing that rumor has it that Nostrum Series III, a Very Special (Batch o') Episode(s), AKA the Codswallop Chronicles, will be published shortly, I was wondering if anyone was still hooked up to Nostrum Nation. With the imminent demise of Google Reader, maybe not. But hope springs eternal in the Nostrum fan's breast. Or at least it used to.

That doesn't sound right.

This is just a test. If a new episode of Nostrum was being published at this time, you would be notified by the proper authorities to seek shelter, tune in to an emergency broadcast station, and stay tuned for further information. The Nostrumite and I are just thinking we might want to send up the odd balloon to let people know that, yes, we're still alive, and no, we still have nothing better to do that write Nostrum. Which is a long story in and of itself, which we'll get to eventually.

Meanwhile, keep calm and carry on. We'll keep you posted.

Something of a stand-alone

Every now and then an episode seems to exist entirely for itself. While there's a little bit of Nostrumian ambience in Episode 34, it is the sort of episode you could walk up to someone on the street and give it to them and if they know nothing about Nostrum or debate, they would understand it. They might also have you arrested, but that's another thing altogether. You can listen to it or read it in all the old familiar places.

We almost didn't make it this week. The Nostrumite is totally hung up on Abbot and Costello. You know: Who's on First? "Who's the president of China?" he'll ask. I'll say, "I don't know, who's the president of China?" and he'll say, "No, I Don't Know is the president of North Korea; Hu's the president of China." "That's what I just said. Who's the president of China?" "Hu." "That's what I'm asking you. Who?" "Hu."

You get the picture. These are tough times for people in the Nostrumite's sphere, let me tell you.

We can't wait for the movies to make us millionaires

After all, vampires are all the rage these days. Shouldn't we be profiting from this? After all, we're as shameless as the next writers. Check it out for yourself either by reading it or by listening to it.

Meanwhile, we almost didn't make it this week. The Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression over being dissed by the Menickies. "The Most Unwelcome Comeback of 2010? Bah!" The Mite was incensed. "If it wasn't for us, he wouldn't have any high school debate soap operas at all to narrate," he said. "We're the ones keeping him off the streets!" When I pointed out that, if he wanted to, Menick could go back and finish Series One if all he wanted to do was stay off the streets, the lad got even madder. "And that's another thing! Doesn't finish what he's started, and complains about what he has finished. Pfui!"

Whatever.

Love's First Bloom

Or something alone those lines. This episode is definitely delivered in a plain brown albeit virtual wrapper. You can read about it or listen about it, as suits your fancy. Or you can poke your eye out with a stick, if that's the way you roll.

We almost didn't make it this week. The Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression over the dad-blamed guvmint, as he calls it. "You think they didn't do anything the last two years?" he says. "You ain't seen nothin' yet. Or, more to the point, you're going to see so much more nuthin' that the nuthin' you're seeing now will look like a beehive on methedrine."

Whatever. Me, I always vote for the Whigs and I expect nothing from our Lords and Masters aside from debt, taxes and a little TLC going through airport security. As my mother likes to say, wear clean underwear: you never know when you'll have to stand up for a body search.

Obama in stitches over this week's Nostrum!

The latest episode is in the usual sort of place, audio and eyedio.

We almost didn't make it this week. The Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression over the whole NYC school board business. Good old Mike wanted to hire some magazine babe, and the powers the be sayin' no to Mike said, uh, how about you get us somebody with some experience in education? So Mike crumbled, and now it's a two-person job, held sort of jointly by Magazine Babe and Education Guy. "It's almost like the Roman Empire," the Mite opines. "All they need is one more person for a triumvirate, and we all know how well that worked out." On the other hand, he wouldn't mind getting a publishing magnate to run the Boston schools. "I'd like free magazines in the faculty men's room," he says.

He always was easy to please on the hard stuff, and hard to please on the easy stuff.

The lame duck episode

The latest Nostrum is up and running (audio / pdfio). We almost didn't make it this week. The Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression over the rise and fall of the Democrats. "They had majorities in both houses and they still couldn't do squat," he moans. He's a big moaner. "Now we've got three parties—Democrats, Republicans and Tea Baggers—and nobody will ever be able to do anything ever again because all they care about is sending Obama back to Kenya where he belongs. Even the Democrats want to send him back to Kenya where he belongs. I'll bet Pelosi is pretty pissed off now about forging that birth certificate for him lo those many years ago..."

Never hold a conversation with the Nostrumite around election time.

Nostrum Series 2, Now in Amazing Nostrumvision! Featuring Real State-of-the Art Monophonic Sound Recording!

Episode 29 of Series 2 is now available at no cost to you either as a pdf or an mp3. What you do with it is up to you.

We almost didn't make it this week. The Nostrumite is in a state of permanent depression over the whole 3D movie thing. "On the one hand, I'm happy that Harry Potter Part Seven (Part One) is missing a D or two, given that the whole 3D thing is enough of a ripoff, much less two Harry Potter movies from the same book that was in fact the dullest of the lot. Why don't they make a weekly series out of it? Harry Potter 5-0 or CSI: Hogwarts if they just want it never to end?" On the other hand, the idea of Tron 2 in 3D has him leaking from every pore. He just sits around all day muttering "Tron," "Tron," "Tron"—one for each D—while the Nostrumate goes about seeing to the children and making sure there's gruel on the table.

Is it any wonder it takes us so long to get to these episodes?